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Eschew thet Paradigm Drop that Jargon

Posted by ptheibert on March 27, 2013 at 8:35 PM Comments comments (0)

The first rule of communication is that different groups and different people can speak the same language and thereby understand one another. This lesson should be easy enough to grasp, particularly for consultants who are paid highly to improve communications in a company. But when some world-renowned consultants came to our utilities company several months back, few of us were prepared for the communication breakdown that was about to hit.

 

The problem started small: a word sprinkled here or there in managers' conversations. Some felt "empowered": someone else was breaking free of "paradigms."

 

Then it spread. Managers started speaking in tongues. You'd round a corner and you'd hear a manager say: "Through virtual leadership, I took the cultural determinants and broke through."

 

Not that my company was innocent to begin with. Most aren't. Managers typically avoid strong verbs and "utilize" words. And corporations thrive on acronyms. I once met an employee who proudly announced to me that she had STD. I beat a retreat, unsure of what sexually transmitted disease she had. Later, I discovered she meant short-term disability.

 

Luckily, we had always had our line workers to keep our corporate lingo simple and direct. Whenever they dropped a tool, they yelled "headache" to warn people below. To "hang a pot" meant to install a new meter. To "hook up a buggy" meant to hook up a portable generator. And to "torch your shorts" was a clever phrase for receiving a mild electric shock.

 

Then the consultants came in droves, dragging their charts and graphs and their vocabularies! Our company became completely jargonized. The words slithered everywhere.

 

The magic word seemed to be "strategic." A feeling grew among managers that if you attached the word "strategic" to anything, it would get approved. I even saw a memo discussing "strategic dreaming."

 

Oh, there were a few brave managers who strategically resisted by wearing earplugs and nodding happily at everything the consultants said. Unfortunately, nodding happily translated into approval for a new consulting project. So they stopped wearing earplugs and the jargon seized them too.

 

It was insidious. You couldn't sit in the cafeteria without hearing about "excellerated" cultural change, cultural "interventions," three-stream models, architectural rigor and discipline, people value, integrated strategic change and core efficiencies. Mangers would chat happily for hours, a glazed, contented look on their faces, while they chowed down their "cultural vitamins."

 

But one day, barricaded in my office, wearing a copy of Strunk and White's "Elements of Style" around my neck like a protective charm, I had a thought. Surely the consultant psychobabble hadn't seduced our line workers. Surely common sense survived among the line crews and customer service representatives.

 

I ventured forth. There was hope! The line employees gave me these quotes:

 

"It's really frustrating. This consultant language has developed into a language of its own. It really alienates us. I have to get out my dictionary just to understand my manager."

 

"I feel we should pay someone to translate for us."

 

"My manager is indoctrinated in this language. He doesn't speak English anymore. He doesn't even have to think what it means. He just types it in and there it is."

 

"It's like they're some elite group that speaks French, when the rest of us speak American."

 

"If someone walked into this company, they'd be thinking we speak Martian."

 

"You start thinking you should know what these terms mean, so you don't say anything."

 

Perhaps the light at the end of the tunnel wasn't a consultant brandishing a flashlight. The frontline was still holding out, waiting for common sense or at least clear English to return to the management ranks.

 

They were also delivering a message that none of us should ever forget: If you want to change your company's culture, speak the employees' language, not the consultants' I returned to corporate headquarters refreshed. But images of "energizing visions" and "vision congruencies" still darted through my head.

 

I thought I could hold out. Then "empowerments" and "visions" started creeping into my own conversation. I had to get someone to listen to the line employees!

 

I searched the hallways for a sympathetic manager. Buy the empty hallways only echoed my running feet. I stumbled into a large meeting room. The managers were kneeling on the floor, bowing before a large icon of the letters spelling out the name of a famous consulting firm.

 

I yelled, but they couldn't hear me. The chant of "Strategic, Strategic, Strategic" drowned out my screams.

 

Over 100 transitions for your Speech

Posted by ptheibert on March 10, 2013 at 1:00 PM Comments comments (0)

1. The challenge is how do we balance…

2. One of the things I want to highlight …

3. Now, when you think about some of the opportunities…

4. So across all these areas we want to give our partners…

5. So we're very, very excited about this new product…

6. And I also want to emphasize the fact that we remain very, very dedicated and committed to…

7. Now, what's most remarkable about this…

8. One, we've been working diligently on…

9. I want you to know we don't think we've arrived as it relates to…

10. Now, let me also talk about…

11. Think about the opportunity we have with…

12. The speed at which things are happening is very, very dramatic, and it causes us to step back and…

13. What we're seeing right now is that the barriers between …

14. The next trend I wanted to touch on is…

15. And it's not going to happen overnight…

16. We took the bold stance that it needs to…

17. And our objective for every customer and every partner is to

18. Today, we are taking this dialogue to a new level with…

19. Let’s start with…

20. And amidst all of this…

21. We don’t have all the answers today, but …

22. We’re also increasing our focus on…

23. To support these products, we’ve…

24. I hope you see that we have

25. I am grateful that…

26. Before I get started, I’d like to acknowledge…

27. Turning now to the outlook for…

28. One thing that makes our industry unique is…

29. The opportunities for innovation in…

30. This afternoon, I’d like to talk about…

31. I think we all agree that…

32. However, this can only be achieved with…

33. In the most basic terms, we knew

34. Now I won’t go into the detail about the…

35. It’s also important to remember that…

36. A big driver in making the…

37. In the end, we felt confident in…

38. As industry leaders, it’s our job to…

39. I’d like to close my remarks today by going back to…

40. Let me end today, by saying that I see a lot of amazing opportunities for…

41. These facts present…

42. Simply put, our future success depends on…

43. Today, we live – and compete – in…

44. However, from my point of view, it is becoming increasingly clear that…

45. This same belief is found in our…

46. Looking further ahead…

47. This growth represents…

48. Building on the success of the…

49. And while on the subject of…

50. So in light of this growing trend toward…

51. First, I’ll talk about the importance of…

52. Of course, no magic solution can be…

53. I’ll confess up front that…

54. One opportunity I’ll mention briefly involves…

55. From our perspective, this is…

56. So, I’d like to talk briefly about my expectations for…

57. The results can be seen in…

58. The winners in the next decade will be those who can adapt…

59. Taking a holistic approach to…

60. First, let me give to you a few brief points about…

61. One thing we learned over the last several years is that…

62. We are fortunate to have such a…

63. Let me share with you a short story of…

64. In the past, we thought that our…

65. But have we come to grips with this reality…

66. As I see it, here is the problem…

67. At the same time we are doing that, we face…

68. The true scope of this…

69. Let me start at the top and move quickly to the bottom…

70. Fortunately, I think we are slowly, steadily shaping things in a positive way…

71. But there are still wide spread misconceptions including…

72. So, I now offer a different approach…

73. In the end, it is leadership – real, sustained leadership – that will determine…

74. Our impact on consumers’ lives is not just about…

75. This is a remarkable level of achievement and innovation, yet…

76. The question is, who will the customers trust to…

77. Trust and values are at the heart of reputation…

78. There is no shortage of opinions about how we…

79. We know implementing our new policy must be well-executed out of the gate in a way that…

80. We believe there is opportunity for the ______ to work together…

81. But some things have not changed at all…

82. Unfortunately. I have to start with a warning…

83. As many of you know firsthand…

84. A ______ could threaten our future

85. It’s a well-known economic fact that

86. The sad fact is that almost…

87. In today’s ever-changing and skills-based economy…

88. We are not immune to…

89. Three strategies underpin our initiative

90. Our strategy has worked because…

91. The meaning of comfort and convenience continues to evolve…

92. We're also working to constantly bring new meanings to the idea…

93. I want to close by offering this one thought…

94. Many paths can lead us to …

95. And at the end of the day, it’s often about choices…

96. Understanding where your natural competitive advantages lie, and having the discipline to stick with them…

97. Balancing short-term pressures and long-term objectives….

98. In our case, these factors have included a fundamental change in…

99. All this increased complexity compounds the challenge of…

100. I’d also argue this shift in…

101. Getting everyone on the same page is critical…

102. That creates huge people opportunities – externally and internally.

103. There is a big reason why we introduced our…

104. Moreover, there are many factors at play that create opportunities and risks…

105. By doing so, we are not only building a better future for ¬¬¬¬¬¬______, but also for _____

106. Our journey continues…

107. A new era of competition is emerging…

108. There are many explanations for …

109. There have been many voices raising concerns about…

110. We face our own unique hurdles…

111. We must come to terms with…

112. The challenges, however, should not obscure the opportunities at hand…

113. But let’s not jump to any conclusions yet…

114. In our search for solutions, we must …

115. One key contributing factor is ….

116. Consideration should also be given to …

117. To begin, if you will allow me, I’d like to take a moment to share my personal perspective to illustrate…

118. That means we have to genuinely acknowledge, value and honor

119. So these past few years have borne witness to…

120. That being said, as we pursue this journey, I would say to you that it is not supposed to be easy

121. This grand endeavour of creating…

122. The road to success is seldom straight and…

123. But there is an equally powerful role that each of us can play, and that is…

124. Your actions as individuals and collectively as staff and faculty show….

125. The results are not all bleak…

126. Simply put, we can't afford to miss the boat on…

127. There is also a more pragmatic and pressing need

128. Finally – we must step back and ask the big question – where do we want to go –not what do we do next.

129. Recent traumatic events have forced us into new roles

130. At this time, I would like to give you a little history on

 

 

 

 

 

The 100 Best Business Quotes

Posted by ptheibert on January 31, 2013 at 2:55 PM Comments comments (0)

1. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect. – Mark Twain

2. All lasting business is based on friendship. – Alfred A. Montapert

3. Hell, there are no rules here. We are trying to accomplish something. – Edison

4. I want to put a ding in the universe- Steve Jobs

5. Business, more than any other occupation, is a continual dealing with the future; it is a continual calculation, an instinctive exercise in foresight. – Henry R. Luce

6. Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure , it just means you haven’t succeed yet. – Robert Schuller

7. As a small businessman, you have no greater leverage than the truth. – John Greenleaf Whittier

8. An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. – Fred Allen

9. If there is anything that a man can do well, I say let him do it. Give him a chance. - Abraham Lincoln

10. Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done. –Peter Drucker

11. The secret of business is to know something that no one else knows. – Aristole Onnasis

12. The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality . The last is to say thank-you. In between, the leader is a servant.

13. If you don’t drive your business, you will be driven out of business. – B.C. Forbes

14. If you owe the bank $100, that is your probed Olglem. If you owe the bank, $100 million, that’s their problem. – J. Paul Getty

15. Willingness to change is a strength, even if it means plunging part of the company into total confusion for a while. – Jack Welch

16. The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights – J. Paul Getty

17. Our business is infested with idiots who try to impress by using pretentious language. – David Oglivy

18. Our favorite holding period is forever. – Warren Buffet

19. It’s not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts. –Will Rogers

20. Cannibals prefer those who have no spines . – Stanislaw Lem

21. Remind people that profit is the difference between revenue and expense. This makes you look smart. – Scott Adams

22. The buck stops with the guy that signs the checks. – Robert Murdoch

23. Carpe per diem – seize the check. – Robin Williams

24. The best measure of a man’s honesty is not his tax return. It is the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. – Arnold Glasgow

25. One of the tests of leadership is to recognize a problem before it becomes an emergency.- Arthur Clarke.

26. More business is lost every year through neglect, than through any other cause. – Rose Kennedy

27. Government in the U.S. today is a senior partner in every business in the country. – Norman Cousins.

28. The way to get things done is not to mind who gets the credit for doing them. – Benjamin Jowett

29. Spend a lot of time talking to customers face to face. You’d be amazed how many companies don’t listen to their customers. – Ross Perot

30. Word of mouth is the best medium of all. – William Bernbach

31. I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill. - Edward Appleton

32. People will buy anything that is ‘one to a customer’. - Sinclair Lewis

33. If you have to forecast, forecast often. – Edgar Fiedler

34. I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience is approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.

35. A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business. – Henry Ford

36. A man should never neglect his family for business – Walt Disney

37. The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inedfficeincy.

38. The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would steal them away. – Ronald Reagan

39. In the business world, the rear view mirror is always clearer than the windshield. – Warren Buffet

40. A business absolutely devoted to service will have only one worry about profits. They will be embarrassing large. – Henry Ford

41. Business has only two functions – marketing and innovation. – Milan Kundera

42. Your premium brand had better be delivering something special, or it’s not going to get the business. – Warren Buffet

43. There’s no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You can’t do any business from there. - Colonel Sanders

44. In the end all business operations can be reduced to three words ; people, product and profit.

45. No person will make a great business who wants to do it all by himself or get all the credit. – Andrew Carnegie

46. If I were to try to read , much less answer, all the attacks made on my, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. – Abraham Lincoln

47. It’s awfully important to know what is and what is not your business. – Gertrude Stein

48. The purpose of a business is to create a customer. – Peter Drucker

49. You can never get to a place of comfort in this business. As soon as you hit that little cushy spot, somebody ‘s gonna kick you out. So I have a constant need to do it better. –Charlize Theron.

50. If you don’t understand the details of your business, you are going to fail. – Jeff Bezos

51. There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. – Davis Letterman

52. Never ask the barber if you need a haircut. – Philip Theibert

53. Competition is the keen cutting edge of business, always shaving away at costs. – Henry Ford

54. Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step – it’s an old business procedure. – Fran Lebowitz

55. What do I mean by concentration. I mean focusing totally on the business at hand anc commanding your body to do exactly what you want it to do. – Arnold Palmer

56. The best wrestlers, whether it’s a Hulk Hogan or a Rey Mysterio, are the ones who have psychology and can understand the business. – Hulk Hogan

57. If you have ideas, you have the main asset you need and there isn’t any limit to what you can do with your business and your life. Ideas are any man’s greatest assets. – Harvey Firestone

58. I don’t believe in this business of being behind. Better to be in front. – Mel Brooks

59. I believe in the Walmart school of business. The less people pay, the more they enjoy it. – Garth Brooks

60. All business success rests on something labeled a sale, which monetarily weds customer and customer. – Tom Peters

61. One thing is certain in business, you and everyone around you will make mistakes. – Richard Branson

62. Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning. – Bill Gates

63. Yesterday’s home runs don’t win today’s games. – Babe Ruth

64. You can fool all the people all the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough – Joseph E. Levine

65. Hire character – train skill. - Peter Schultz

66. Let’s be honest. There’s not a business anywhere that is without problems. Business is complicated and imperfect. Every business is staffed with imperfect human beings and exists by providing a service to other imperfect human beings. – Bob Parsons

67. The only way around is through. – Robert Frost

68. Management is nothing more than motivating other people. – Lee Iacocca

69. Advertising is legalized lying – H.G. Wells

70. The best way to predict your future is to create it. – Peter Drucker

71. Price is what you pay. Value is what you get.- Warren Buffet

72. If you think your boss is stupid, remember you wouldn’t have a job, if he were any smarter. – John Gottman

73. An entrepreneur without funding is like a musician without an instrument. – Robert Rice Jr.

74. Our major obligation is not to mistake slogans for solutions. – Edward R. Murrow

75. A consultant is a man sent in after the battle to bayonet the wounded. - Anon

76. You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky

77. I skate to where the puck is going to be, now where’s it’s been. - Wayne Gretzky

78. It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” –Theodore Roosevelt

79. The winner is the chef who takes the same ingredients as everyone else and produces the best results – Edward de Bono

80. Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision. –Peter Drucker

81. Every sale has five obstacles : no need, no money, no hurry, no desire, no trust. – Zig Ziglar

82. To open a shop is easy, to keep it open, an art. –Chinese Proverb

83. You can’t do today’s jobs with yesterday’s methods and be in business tomorrow.- Anon

84. To succeed in business, it is necessary to make others see things as you see them. – John H. Patterson

85. Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting someone else to do the work. – Sol Hurok

86. Drive thy business, or it will drive thee. – Benjamin Franklin

87. Good design cannot fix broken business models. – Jeffrey Veen

88. A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him. – David Brinkley

89. Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it. – Andrew Young

90. There’s an enormous amount of managers who have retired on the job. – Peter Drucker

91. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. – Robert Frost

92. A company is known by the people it keeps. – Anon

93. Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. – George Burns

94. Never invest in anything that eats or needs repairing.- Billy Rose

95. It’s hard to lead a cavalry if you think you look funny on a horse. – Adlai Stevenson

96. If at first you don’t succeed, try management. – Anon

97. Beware of any enterprise requiring new clothes. – Henry Thoreau

98. You never become a howling success by just howling. – Bob Harrington.

99. Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake . – Napoleon

100. I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but I can sure pick smart colleagues. – Franklin Roosevelt.

 

 

 

 

 

How To Write a Marketing Plan to Sell A Book

Posted by ptheibert on January 18, 2013 at 1:50 PM Comments comments (0)

How to Write a Marketing Proposal to Sell Your Book

 

.

As a former marketing director for a publishing company, I firmly believe that many authors fall down in writing the marketing proposal. Sure, you have written a good book, but that is only half the battle. Now you have to sell the book to a publisher. Enter the marketing proposal. I could bore you to death about writing a proposal, but let me share an actual proposal with you.

My newest book, The Most Creative, Escape the Ordinary, Excel at Public Speaking Book Ever, will be in book stores around mid- February. Here is part of the original marketing proposal:

Title: Most Creative, Escape the Ordinary, Excel at Public Speaking Book Ever, The

SubTitle: All the help you will ever need in giving a speech

Imprint: Business Books

Strapline: The "everything you need to give an outstanding speech book", complete with all original material, written by a professional speechwriter.

Description: Have to give a speech? Don't worry. You now have your own speechwriter, your own idea man, your own creative team to make your speech stand above the rest. This book makes you a speech giving genius and guarantees your next speech will zoom past intriguing, insightful, intelligent and interesting.

This book will make your next speech the most original speech your audience has ever heard.

Use these ideas and you will never be in danger of boring your audience. They won't need their chairs, they will only need the edge!

This is the ultimate speech idea book. It contains over 200 original, never seen in print before, ideas, tips, complete speeches, lists… Peruse over 200 pages packed with material designed to get those gears spinning, designed to give you that creative spark, designed to ensure that you stand out as a speaker with original ideas, a great sense of humor and a unique take on life.

Philip Theibert has been a corporate speechwriter, copywriter, techncal writer, reporter, editor and author. His website is www.writingcoachnow.com

ABOUT THE MARKET:

Audience : Toastmasters, College Debating teams, Libraries, Business People, Sales People , Teachers, Anyone anywhere who has to make a presentation or speech.

My previous book "How to Give A Damn Good Speech" was bought by libraries everywhere and reprinted in almost every language, including Chinese. Every member of Toastmasters, everyone attending any speech class, in college or in high school, anyone on a debate team, any one in business anywhere,who must give a speech is the audience for this book.

Competing Books include:

How to Give and Write a Speech - Joan Detz

On Speaking Well - Peggy Noonan

The 7 Principles of Public Speaking - Richard Zeoli

What to Say and How to Say it for all Occasions- David Belson

Positioning: Very few speech books contain original, creative ideas on how to give a great speech. The majority of speech books, repeat the sane old formula " Tell them what you are going to say, say it, tell them what you said" and offer tired worn out quotes and stories to use in your speech that your audience has heard numerous times and that have no relevance to their current life.

Unique Selling Points: Over 200 original ideas and tips Complete speeches to use Liberally and entertainingly illustrated with references to baseball, country music, business, holidays, sales...

Free Safety Speech Opening 2013

Posted by ptheibert on January 2, 2013 at 6:30 PM Comments comments (1)

Sooner or later you will have to give a safety speech. Here is a good opening for a safety speech or letter you must give employees. Here is the opening:

Let's talk about safety.

Unfortunately, I can guarantee these events will happen.

Someone building their house next to a national forest will be surprised when a forest fire destroys their house, someone who has built their house next to a river will be surprised when it is flooded, someone who has built their house on the side of a mountain in California will be shocked when mudslides send it sliding down the mountain. Of course, the guy who lives in a trailer park in Tornado Alley will be just as shocked when the tornado picks his trailer and deposits it in the next county.

Someone will fall asleep and die smoking in bed, someone else will have a few drinks and plow into a tree. Several teenagers will be coming home at three in the morning, the driver will fall asleep and they too will plow into a tree. Someone will hike into the woods and get lost but survive off jelly beans, there will be a massive pileup on a fog covered highway, killing a few people, because people don't know when to slow down.

People will die being thrown out of cars because they don't wear seatbelts and at least one hundred people will say, "I didn't know the gun was loaded." Someone else will say, "Sure I know how to fix a gas furnace." This person will be the twin brother of the guy who climbs onto an icy roof to remove the Christmas lights.

Someone will be killed because of a simple mistake in crossing electric wires, a simple mistake in running through a stop sign, a simple mistake for not performing a safety check list on a truck, a simple failure to look both ways when crossing a street.

How does this all tie into a safer New Year for us? Every single one of those things I mentioned can be prevented, just by taking simple precautions. How simple? Stopping at stop sighs, fastening sea belts,t, simply going through a checklist, getting enough sleep, not combining drinking and driving,, checking to see if the gun is loaded, staying off an icy roof…

I could go on and on but my point is obvious. It takes so little time to ensure safety. Now let's take some time here and examine what we can do at our company to ensure safety.

Free persuasive speech: Why there are no productive outs in baseball

Posted by ptheibert on November 7, 2012 at 10:00 AM Comments comments (0)

 

Need to give a persuasive speech? Here is a free persuasive speech you can use.

Why there are no productive outs in baseball:

There are no productive outs.

When a runner is out, he is dead. He cannot score Yet, time after time, when a runner hits a ground ball and is out, his teammates slap him on the back.

For making an out?

What would you rather have? A man on first and second with nobody out ?Or a man on second with one out? Bases loaded or a man on third with two outs? Productive outs are a myth.

Billy Beane wisely said, "There is no such thing as a productive out. Outs are sacred as you only have 27 of them therefore never give them up."

Joe Garagiola said, "What gets me is this thing they call the productive out. A guy hits a ground ball to second base and they give him a pat on the back. I spent my entire career hitting ground balls to second and there's a reason I went into TV"

Earl Weaver, long time Baltimore manager, said about "productive outs."

"I hate giving away outs. I don't care what the official playbook says the batter should do; there are only 27 outs in a baseball game... Your most precious possession on offense are your twenty-seven outs…the opportunity cost of giving away outs early always exceeds the benefit."

Weaver further hated "productive outs" because, "if you play one run, that's all you get.”

Think about this. Ask someone about a "productive out" , they might say, "Yeah , he didn't hit into a double play and he advanced the runner, although he made an out."

So a productive out really means it could have been worse? .

Do ball players really believe in productive outs? How many ballplayers walk up to the plate not looking for a hit, but an out? How many think, 'I would love to ground out to second to move the runner to third? "

Come on, if your hitters are approaching the plate, hoping for a "productive out" , instead of a hit, why are they even playing ?

Another thought - even if a batter is hitting .250 , there's a one out of four chance he will get a hit, Why make him give up that chance, and give the other team an out?

Back to Mr. Beane's point. Sure you may ground out and move the runner up, but how productive is that? You have used up 33% of your outs for that inning, and actually lowered the chances of getting the man home.

 

Christmas Speech Opening

Posted by ptheibert on November 5, 2012 at 11:35 AM Comments comments (0)

Here is a good list to use for any Holiday Speech:

The Real Rules of Gift Wrapping

1. You will either cut the wrapping paper too long or too short.

2. The tape will run out before the last package is due, forcing you to use duct tape.

3. The Sunday comics make colorful wrapping paper.

4. No matter how much time you have to wrap presents, you will wait until the last minute.

5. There is no hiding place for presents that that kids can’t find.

6. No matter how much time you spend wrapping the present, no matter how many bows and ribbons you put on it, a kid will still tear the wrapping off in two seconds. And then ignore the present and play with the box.

7. If you say you actually enjoy wrapping presents, people will tend to stay away from you.

8. Have your presents gift wrapped at the store. The small fee they charge (often it is a charity) saves you time, money and effort wrapping your own.

9. The most efficient way to “wrap” presents is to buy a big gift bag at the dollar store, throw all the presents in the bag and then cover them with tissue paper.

10. You will wrap all the presents, forget to put gift tags on them, and then ten minutes later, totally forget what present goes to whom.

 

Humorous Political Speech - How to Improve Our Economy

Posted by ptheibert on October 25, 2012 at 10:20 AM Comments comments (0)

A short funny speech to poke fun at politicians and their plans to improve our economy:

 

And you ask me what I can do for the economy. I say look at my record. Have I not always encouraged "Buy American"? Have I not backed that position up through my actions by buying bourbon ?

 

What is bourbon, but a 100 percent " Made in America" product. Where is the corn grown that makes the mash that makes our bourbon? America! Where is the rye and malted barley grown? America! Where is the limestone that filters the water that makes a good bourbon? America of course. Where is every oak tree grown to make the barrels that age bourbon ? America!

 

I dare you to find one bourbon distillery outside of America. You can't. And you want jobs? Distilling bourbom creates 11,000 jobs in Kentucky alone. So the solution to our economic woes is as easy as a smooth sipping bourbon. Lower the drinking age to 18 and sell more bourbon.

 

Think about this. None of us enjoys paying taxes, but Federal Excise taxes on bourbon pump at least three million a week into federal coffers. And that doesn't even include the local sales tax.

 

The advantage of this, besides creating jobs and supporting a 100 percent "made in America product", is that you will be so happy with your bourbon drinking that off you won't notice that I embezzled state funds and ran off to Brazil with that secretary I was paying $80,000 a year.

 

Halloween Speech for Toastmasters

Posted by ptheibert on October 23, 2012 at 9:50 AM Comments comments (0)

"It is Halloween and I thought it would be fun to share some Halloween games with you They include: ." That is how you introduce this speech. You can customize this speech by making your own games. This is a short, fun speech to give at Toastmasters or any civic group. 

Whose turn is it to throw away the pumpkin? Come on. It is not hard to throw away the pumpkin. But in our family, we would let it sit on the porch and happily mold away. When it was nothing but slimy, droopy orange skin, my mother would finally command us to throw it away .Instead we had a pumpkin fight and tried to hit each other with pieces of decaying pumpkin.

Hide the candy from Daddy: My dad was a chocolate fiend. He could sniff out chocolate 100 miles away. Oh,we tried, we hid chocolate in our sock drawers, under the couch, even in the dishwasher one time, which was not such a good idea. But he would track it down.

Line the eyes up: There is a classic Peanuts cartoon, where Charlie Brown cannot line the eyes up in his sheet. So he walks around all Halloween in a sheet with a dozen eye holes. I feel sorry for Charlie Brown as I can take a pair of scissors and a sheet and it looks like a drunken sailor happily cut holes all over the sheet.

Just one more year: Trick-or-treating is one of the joys of childhood. So we all try to sneak in that extra year of trick-or-treating. But when I tripped over steps because my bi-focals kept fogging up, I knew it was time to quit trick-or-treating.

Guessing the beginning of the Halloween season: It is hard to guess the beginning of the Halloween Season with Halloween costumes and decorations popping up in stores right after Labor Day. But I maintain that the Halloween season begins the first day you hear “The Monster Mash” on the radio.

The Candy Corn Game: Frankly I believe that the whole purpose of Halloween is to eat as much candy corn as possible. But prices vary widely on a bag of candy corn. I saw the same size bag selling for four bucks in one store, two bucks in another and a buck fifty in a third store. You must maintain your dignity and not buy the first bag of candy corn you see, you must override your desire to rip that bag open and start stuffing the candy corn in your mouth. Remember it might be two dollars cheaper down the street. Oh hell with it! Give me candy corn NOW !

The Day after Halloween Game: Who wants to wait in line for an IPOD? There is only one thing worth camping out for, waiting for that door to open, the AFTER HALLOWEEN CANDY SALE! I often am surprised to find myself first in line, well –actually, the only one in line, when they throw open the doors on November 1, and I can rush in and buy bags of candy half price.

Speed Bump Words

Posted by ptheibert on October 22, 2012 at 11:55 AM Comments comments (0)

 

As a writer, you no longer deal with readers, but rather with “skimmers”.

Because of the internet and the information overload we all face, we merely skim articles. Knowing that readers are now “skimmers”, it is your job as a writer, to put in key words that will make the “skimmer” slow down and actually consider your ideas

I call these “speed bump words”, because they actually make the reader pause to consider your thoughts and ideas.

For instance to show how one idea ties into your next idea, you should use these “speed bump” words which include: therefore, hence, consequently, thus, meanwhile, afterwards, recently, frequently, increasingly, then, next, after, before, until, while, since, because, due to, as a result, and so, accordingly, it follows, when, currently, thereafter, soon, earlier, later, immediately, by that time, shortly, at the moment, today, next week, yesterday, during, at, finally, simultaneously, after a few hours, later, previously, formerly.

In keeping with the “skimming” rather that “reading theory”, you need to sprinkle comparison or contrast words throughout your paper to highlight an important comparison. These “speed bump words” include: likewise, similarly, in comparison, in contrast, however, but, yet, though, on one hand, on the other hand, nevertheless, in like manner, at the same time, even so, instead, still, on the contrary, otherwise, conversely, even so, in the same way, surely, nonetheless, surely, rather than, unlike, whereas, even so, conversely, by comparison, where, compared to, up against, balanced against, vis-à-vis, also, but also, after all, although this may be true.

And it is helpful to “skimmers” to know when you are introducing a new idea. When you are introducing a new idea use these “speed bump” words: and, also, next, in addition, moreover, furthermore, firstly, secondly, thirdly, finally, besides, in the first place, likewise, similarly, too, another, as well as, or, nor, another, in the same way, like, for instance, in fact, again, and then, equally, important, next, lastly, what’s more

“Skimmers” also need to know when you admit that your opponent might actually be right, painful as that may be. In that case, when conceding a point, use these “speed bump” words. admittedly, granted that, of course, to be sure, although, though, obviously.

Moving away from “speed bump words” for a moment, let’s enter an ongoing fray between writers. Concluding words are where many writers disagree. There are two schools of thought. You should announce your conclusion, by using key phrases. Other writers, like me, tend to think that you are insulting your reader by saying “In conclusion.” For Pete’s sake, let’s assume your reader can understand that your final paragraphs are concluding paragraphs.

Finally, to wrap this up, in conclusion, to sum up, to conclude – see how irritating, and unnecessary, these concluding phrases can be?

 

 


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